I am tremendously conscious about my so long writing-gap. It is been almost three months, if I may not be wrong. However, I might have good or rather unfortunate excuses for my enormous delay: I've been spending my free time reading, staying with my family and also meeting my friends. Nevertheless, it is not been a non-writing term, this one, that must be said. I have actually been writing pretty much in my diary.
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| Jo writing (scene taken from Little Women, 1994) |
I have just watched 'Little Women' (film) and it brought me into some interesting and deep frustrating thoughts on being one's self on one's writings, life,... on, as this title states, 'opening one's soul through a window'; a window which is, in fact, uncertain, mysterious, infinite, unknown, exposed; in other words, opening one's thoughts and concerns and feelings through and towards reality. Something which I am certainly not used to, nor comfortable doing; at least not yet.
And that is the reason which brought me here. I have been thinking about it more than months ago. More than necessary. More than anyone should ever even thinking of. You see, one of my points is: when one has a struggle (however little, however insignificant), one has the right and must react to it as if it were a tumor; the longer you wait, the worse it gets. And I did not do that. Truly enough, I may honestly regret it. But I also have the belief that: if one thinks that something is not over, then it is not. And this is not over.
Back to the first and most important point that concerns me the most now (at least in this very right moment), I would really appreciate it to make myself clearer, closer to what my thoughts are on, if not everything, almost everything.
Something that really gets on my nerves is the fact that I have been told to stop writing such long sentences, quite oftenly. Sorry to disappoint all of those who may think that long sentences are simply not correct. I may remind them that our beloved Jane Austen used to write sentences which were as long as a whole paragraph. What does she possesses, that I do not possess to have this tendency of using long sentences? Austen's style of writing has been very loved through the centuries, including, and especially, her long sentences... 'Oh, why, then, why can't I?' (Dorothy, 'Wizard of Oz').
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| Dorothy singing (scene taken from Wizard of Oz) |
See. Dream. Feel. Believe. Express. Dedicate. Listen. Demonstrate. Courage. And many more. For some reason, these last two or three years I started to lose my motivational pation for either writing, reading or doing anything. I assume I sometimes may have been lazy and that has caused me several struggles when writing or even searching and getting information. But, as said before, it is never too late unless you say so. I did not and never will, not when referring to these last terms, which I would appreciate very much indeed to get used to them (theoretically and specially practically).
We have always been told that one does not born knowing everything and knowing about everything (two different aspects of knowledge, to be true). Therefore, we must not lose the hope and the courage to getting to know what the world may offer us. One will never ever get to know every single thing related to every single aspect and creation ever made. But, why would that prevent us to keep finding and discovering new things? Never happened. And never will.
Whatever you want to do, do it, but being you. If you want to write, write what you want to write about, not what 'they' may want to hear or read. If you want to listen to some music, listen to the music you want to listen to. Do not ever let you do something because others may expect it from you since it is the 'tendency' or 'the ordinary' or even 'the right thing to do'. These concepts just make me laugh so loudly I cannot breathe right now. Sadly, they exist(ed).
What happens to me is that I seldom think I do not possess my own personality or ability or courage to do something or that I think I would like to do. There is a term I must use and that has totally to do with this little struggle I sometimes possess and that annoys me and scaries me, at the same time, in such a way, I cannot even express myself by writing, not even by thinking: adaptation.
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| Pascal chameleon (scene taken from Tangled 2010) |
Human beings have always had struggles in adaptating to the society's rules, inquiries, rights, reformations, lifestyles, etc. because the term 'society' has always been directly related to 'community'. And because people change, community changes, time does as well. Everything changes because that is the circle of life and evolution. We improve or either worsen. But never stay.
Hence, one must be brave enough to get through these unknown and unexpected changes (as they are surely constantly changing) and live the way one desires to live, if possible. One should find and differenciate between two sides (which may or may not be separated endlessly): one's side and society's side. And one must remember that belonging to both of them is not a bad sign at all (as long as one does not lose one's side, which I consider myself to be the most important one of both). Following this idea of a 'double lived life', which I embrace since it is a term first time used by myself (and, therefore, dangerously rejected by many), it is very much necesary to remember which is the most important one at the moment and which one we want to improve. None of them are easy ways, but nor is life itself. But, the most important thing here and the actual point I really want to make is: whichever you choose, always be yourself, even if it happens to be your soul, only. You may lie to society, even to yourself sometimes. But do not ever let the latter happen very frequently.
That is, I believe, the secret of knowing adaptation and knowing how to adaptate. So, according to the two paths that one is recommended to walk by, there are also two types of adaptation: one's adaptation to society's and one's adaptation to one's self.
Anyway, it is getting late. It is an hour past midnight and all I really wanted to say is that whatever your struggles are, however small, go and fight them, deal with them, do not try to avoid them, confront them. Be honest with others, but most importantly to yourself. You are your soul mate. No one will ever be as good nor as bad as you. Cause we are all different, equally different. What matters is that you keep living and believing in your own beliefs.
This time I happened to have struggles with trying to be myself when writing about whatever occurs to my mind. Obviously, that is not the only one I have. But, among all, this is the most important one and the one I want to think of now.
Remember, opening one's soul either through a window or through one's self is just a matter of courage, adaptation and patience.
Alba x
